So, here's a rundown on the stellar awesomeness of some of my friends in the blogosphere:

Becky saw Duran Duran in concert whilst in the midst of a multi-day business meeting, and blogged about it on her cell phone.
Anne is finishing her poetry book and it's getting published by a university press.
Fringes is getting married in Vegas sometime before the end of the year, and announced it in a blog post that hearkens back to the pre-Civil-Rights movement.
Ms. Strega has been tapped to teach creative writing this summer at my alma mater.
Monstro is getting up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to go teach so we can buy groceries.
And, the Comtesse might be giving birth even as I type this.

As for me, I took the boy on a play date this morning and scored a free double stroller. Not as cool as my friends, maybe, but it's something. Oh, and this is my five hundredth post on this blog. Do I get a cookie?

"Gays and lesbians have a constitutional right to marry in California, the state Supreme Court said today in a historic ruling that could be repudiated by the voters in November."

Woo hoo!

I just finished writing my new one-act, "The Association." Had to take a little time away from it because it was feeling too bloated. I cut the cast list in half and tightened things up. And made it more ridiculous. And now I'm really happy.

A ten-page comedy about poverty and hunger. Who'd've thought?

Fringes just read it and said she laughed aloud. Whoot!

"I was considered slow. While my classmates were reading their textbooks, I drew in the margins."
--Dearly departed artist Robert Rauschenberg, 1925-2008

Had a great Mother's Day. Got a cute Star-Wars-themed card from Lex and the Peanut, and a lovely card from Monstro with a certificate good for one day of heavy lifting and garden mucking. Great stuff! Monstro and the other men from church cooked a Mother's Day brunch for the congregation, and his chile egg puff was the first dish to get all eaten up. When he was still at church cleaning up I called Fringes and we had an on-the-same-page "to the punctuation mark" conversation, which was just as awesome as I knew it was going to be (and I'd set a pretty high bar, let me tell you). After Lex woke up, Monstro cooked us some dinner -- we had our first barbeque and our first corn of the season. Great, great, great. And then we watched Friday's "Battlestar Galactica," which made us happy we'd taped "King of the Hill" to watch afterward.

And now I have to go buy a new power cord for my PowerBook. Bye!

Monstro and the kids and I are participating in the Western Massachusetts Relay for Life this June. Yes, June, that blazingly summer month when I will be *seven* *months* *pregnant*. Please support our fundraising efforts by plunking five bucks (or more! we're not choosy) into our donation pile. If you do, Monstro will do his fat-man dance for you. Just don't tell him you heard it from me. :)

I have a new hero. Her name is Bonnie Richardson and she's a-maz-ing. See for yourself!

It's amazing what one woman can accomplish when she gets up at five in the morning. I've graded my photo finals and developed a from-scratch logo and logo/letterhead treatment for a client. Oh, and I read the news and caught up on a couple of blogs. So I think this afternoon I'll either go to a movie or take a big nap!

Monstro: (writing a check for the church offering) "What's today's date?"
Motormouth: "Uh... the fourth."
Monstro: "Well then, May the fourth be with you!"

Every year I walk into that one. Every stinkin' year.

The reason for much of the bloggy silence this week was due to the fact I was working balls-out for a new client. I just sent him the finished document. It's 39 pages of 14-point Times New Roman (to reduce eyestrain for all involved). And I wrote it in 13 hours. That's with 2-3 drafts, people.

I am off to numb my throbbing head with some dumb TV. Then I need to clean the house for our game night tonight!

I've been watching the show "Reaper" on the CW pretty much all season. I was blown away by the pilot: smart, funny, different. Plus, Laura Palmer's dad in an impeccable suit, nice draw. It was getting formulaic but then about four weeks ago the game changed, and frankly, I think it's raising the most interesting questions about Christianity that are being raised on TV today.

Sam is a 21-year-old bounty hunter of souls who have escaped Hell. All of the souls did terrible things before death and are thereby damned for eternity. Somehow, though, they manage to slip away and return to Earth. Sam's neighbors are handsome homosexual gentlemen who just happen to be, oh yeah, demons. Angels who fell during Lucifer's war against God. Sam's friends are fair game for collateral damage, but they 1) know what they're in for and 2) have been blessed by the more ethnic friend's grandmother, who has the ability to see evil.

The problem with modern Christianity is that there just isn't enough (ok, any) mention of the devil; at least, not in the Presbyterian/Methodist churches I've attended for the past 13-some-odd years. (yeah, some years were odder than others :). And I think that's a real lack in the modern Church. Because, yeah, God is Good, and God is Love, and all you need is Love, but, 1) Love hurts, and 2) God isn't in all people. We're taught from an early age that God is in everything, but that simply cannot be true, because there is True Evil in this world and I can't believe that God has anything to do about that.

Don't believe me? Then maybe you didn't see the articles about Josef Fritzl? (Fringes don't you dare click the link)

So anyway, back to "Reaper." Last week's episode featured a 12-step group for the fallen angels. They figured by doing kind deeds and being friendly, they would eradicate the devil in "300, maybe 400 years." The devil got wind of their plot and destroyed the building where they were meeting. You know why? Sam figured it out: because they were RIGHT.

Kindness kills the devil. So next time I read another heinous news story, I'm gonna go out and plant a bunch of flowers in a public place, or bring cookies to Lex's nursery school, or sex up my husband in ways that have proved very popular in the past. Or post a happy-puppy blog post. So, see, we'll all benefit!

All other final exams across the nation, nay, the WORLD should bow at the feet of the exam I just wrote for my Writing for the Media class. Truly, it's that spectacular. Heck, I almost wish I could take it myself. Almost.

It was a good thing I did my Bible study on Saturday because Sunday was a cavalcade of grading. My photo students turned in their picture stories last Monday and Sunday I graded all of them, except for the one that was denied service by Blogger. Not really sure what that's about -- the student did her story about the new calf at a dairy farm and it couldn't have been more wince-inducing than the South American shemales I once stumbled upon by pressing the "next blog" button (yeah, I don't do that anymore. Besides, every single one of them was prettier than me.). Today it's off to actually teach. It's the last teaching day for me before final exams. Guess I need to write a couple of final exams this week, huh?

I did also manage to crank out a few pages on my new play. It's called "The Association" and it's a one-act comedy about hunger and foreclosure. Good times!

I have decided to chuck it all away in order to go work here (linked video is work- and family-friendly, so long as you don't object to massive cuteness of the baby-animal variety). Later!

Please copy, paste, add your name, and use four stamps to send the below to the following folks.

04/24/2008

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger
State Capitol Building
Sacramento, CA 95814

Dear Governor Schwarzenegger:

This morning I read a story online in the San Francisco Chronicle about a seven-year-old first grader whose skull was fractured by a bullying fifth grader (“Oakland: When school bullies get out of hand,” Nanette Asimov, April 24, 2008).

I learned through the article that both students attend Piedmont Avenue Elementary, which is in the Oakland Unified School District.

Last year, 344 students were enrolled at Piedmont Ave. Elementary. Ninety-seven of them were suspended for violent acts. That’s more than 28 percent of the student body!

This boy has been bullied before, which resulted in four lost teeth. Principal Angela Haick did nothing to keep it from happening again.

This level of anarchy and hooliganism is disgusting. Worse yet, this violence-plagued school district (Preparatory Literary Academy, of the same district, had 106 violence-related suspensions) does not even have a permanent superintendent. If the district cannot afford to have people supervising the students before and after school, then call out the National Guard.

How many more first graders need to be sent to the ICU before action is taken?

Sincerely yours,


(your name here)


Cc:
Vincent Matthews
Interim State Administrator
Oakland Unified School District
1025 Second Ave.
Oakland, CA 94606

Jack O’Connell
Superintendent
CA Department of Ed.
1430 N Street
Sacramento, CA 95814

Angela Haick
Principal
Piedmont Ave. Elementary
4314 Piedmont Ave.
Oakland, CA 94611-4716

So my new friend Emily has decided to run for state assembly on the Republican ticket. Which is great, because she's a mom of four who cans and knits, and darned if *every* state assembly doesn't need more Republicans like that. So I took some ballot petitions for her, to help her acquire some of the 300 signatures she needs in order to get on the primary ballot.

Stood in front of the post office for an HOUR and got one signature. And I don't think that one's even valid because the woman was a total dingbat.

Someone had to elect Mitt Romney governor, right? Well, whoever it was, didn't visit the Easthampton post office today. Maybe we'll have better luck at the park on Friday. Cross your fingers.

President Bush was on "Deal or No Deal" this past Monday. He appeared in a taped message supporting a vet of the Iraq war. I didn't watch, and apparently, neither did you: Ratings matched DoNDs lowest Monday-night ratings ever. Maybe this is why Katie Couric is tanking on the news: too much Bush!

(And no, I don't mean for that to be a vulgar double entendre. People, please!)

So here in the little town of Mytown there's a chorus of oldsters and they got themselves a movie made about them that's now in national release. I haven't seen it yet but here's the trailer. Frankly I'm most excited because my electric-guitar teacher is in the chorus band and on account of his last name starting with an "A" he's listed first in the imdb.com cast list for the movie. As the kids around here used to say, it's wicked cool. But I don't think anybody really says that anymore.

It feels like Thursday. *Next* Thursday. Last week was pretty long and I think I'm still feeling the after-effects.

My teaching is starting to wrap up. I give the final exams on May 5th (happy Cinco de Mayo, y'all). I'm thinking the next week I might debut a new one-act at the Mytown Playwrights' Lab. All I gotta do is write it, first. Oh yeah, that. Working title is "The Association," and it's a comedy about hunger and foreclosure. And though no celebrities are featured, I did get the idea during church last Sunday, so it's in keeping with my last one-act, "Bible Study." Can't believe I haven't written anything since then!

Oh, but enough about me. How are you doing? How's the fam?

OK, first read this blog post by BeckyJSacto.

Then, read this blog post by BeckyJSacto.

I've been laughing from the time I read the second post, through the time it took me to send her an e-mail, and even as I type these very words. Peanut must think his (HIS!) mother is a nutjob. OK, a beanjob.

(Even funnier is, when you blow up the picture on the second post, it appears that the bamboo stalks are already in little water capsules, de-necessitating the water in the vase in the first place.)

Incidentially, here's what Amy Sedaris has to say about hostess gifts: "Don't you dare show up with bamboo! You might as well show up with a turtle. ... Now that you've lurned all the rules of guest etiquette, relax and have fun, but remember: NO BAMBOO, TURTLES, OR SUNFLOWERS!" -- p. 24-25, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence

Also incidentially, Monstro's commentary on the above can be found here. The title alone sent me into further paroxysms.

I used to date a guy whose birthday was April 15th. He said that when he was growing up, his father celebrated by working on their family taxes until the last possible minute and then making a mad squealing dash to the post office.

This used to make me feel sad for him. Now it just makes me smile. I blame Massachusetts.

I am a Snapdragon What Flower Are You?

"Mischief is your middle name, but your first is friend. You are quite the prankster that loves to make other people laugh."

Thanks Shaken Mama for the quiz link!

... to my ever-so-exclusive blogroll. Have a nacho. Put your feet up.

I've been a freelancer/consultant for a decade now. I was telling my Writing for the Media students about what I've learned and figured it was good enough for a blog post.

1) Never apologize for a perceived or actual lack of experience in an industry or niche. Spin any inexperience into a positive. For example, if you're bidding to write a healthcare website, say that your lack of corporate healthcare experience is helpful because your questions will be the same as your client's customer's questions.

2) Underpromise and overdeliver. Think you're going to have something done by Saturday? Tell 'em you'll have it to them by Monday. Then send it to them before Monday. Shows you're on the ball. Plus, if you get waylaid by life (it happens), no harm done, you won't have missed your deadline.

3) Always listen to client criticism and thank them for it in your response. The client is who you need to please. If they think enough of your work to criticize your path, then reevaluate. Your work will be better for it, and your client deserves some thanks for that.

Those are my top three. Who else has one?

So yup, it's been a pretty miraculous week. Couple of weeks, actually.

Last Saturday, my two year old strung together his first full sentence, immediately followed by his second full sentence. "The cow says moo. The duck goes quack." He's very in to cows and ducks. And elephants. Yesterday his nursery school teacher was telling the class a knock-knock joke and Lex shouted the punchline before Peter even got to it. And today I took him out for a pizza and salad lunch and he nixed the high chair in favor of a real grown-up chair, where he remained planted and untethered, happily eating and leafing through his Piggies book, for more than 20 minutes. This has never happened before, as my child is a perpetual-motion machine, and therefore this qualifies as miraculous.

And in the space of four days I located and phone interviewed someone to help my mom with some stuff that needs doing around her house, and helped convince a reluctant Mom that this was a good idea, and yesterday Mom interviewed her and three hours later, hired her. Did I mention that I did this from Massachusetts, and Mom lives in the SF Bay Area? And that the new hire charges the same hourly rate as my teenaged babysitter, and loves to cook and clean and bake? Yeah. Miraculous.

And I received an aforementioned rejection letter from Boston Playwrights' Theatre that not only had handwriting on it, but said that out of 400 entries, my "work in particular remained in the mix until the absolute end of the reading process." (underline theirs, not mine.) Freakin' miraculous.

And after bemoaning the fact he hasn't got any committee work from his Ph.d school yet, Monstro just got an e-mail saying, "as a member of our Steering Committee, please look at this paper." Instant committee work, just add water (or ink, or toner, whatever). Academically miraculous in a land devoid of miracle.

*And* I have a new friend, not just any friend but a BFF (she said it first!). It's been so long since I had a new friendship that occurred spontaneously and organically that I can hardly believe that it's true that I actually managed to make a new friend without having to plan or arrange or organize or force it into fruition. And we're like-minded on things like writing and working and raising kids and being sassy and not feeling guilty about tardy e-mails and the ridiculousness (her term) of certain dumb-@ss (my term) people. I'm 36 years old and I've got a new friend. Amazingly miraculous.

AND, most miraculous of all, I went in for an ultrasound this week and in the space of three hours went from believing that Peanut has Down Syndrome to learning that even with the trouble spot on the ultrasound, baby's likelihood of DS is no more increased from that than from my own "advanced maternal age" (their term, not mine). And frankly, having a healthy baby after 1) already having one of those and 2) reading Ella's blog every day for the past 12 weeks, is the most miraculous thing I can think of in this world.

Sometimes people tell me that they don't believe in God and then I have a week like this one and I just want to pat them on the head and say how cute they are, like dumb fuzzy puppies. Because really? It's funny, but true: the more you believe in God, the more He believes in you. And some weeks are all about reaping those benefits.

Don't believe me? Check out the week I've had and try telling me that it hasn't been a miracle straight from Heaven, or that any single one of the items above isn't miraculous.

Uh huh. Yup. Told you so.

If I thought I was disgusted by the previews for that new lie-detector/ruin-your-marriage game show "The Moment of Truth," imagine how I felt when I read the following on westernmass.craigslist.org:

Are you ready to win up to $500,000 by telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth? "The Moment of Truth" will put participants to the test -- the lie detector test -- to reveal whether or not they are telling the truth for a chance to win half a million dollars. The challenge is simple -- answer 21 increasingly personal questions honestly, as determined by a polygraph, and win up to $500,000. This is the only game show where participants know both the questions and the answers before they begin to play. Prior to playing, participants are strapped to a lie detector and asked a series of questions by a polygraph expert, who records their answers. At any time, between the polygraph and the televised game, participants can change their answers or walk away from the competition. To win $500,000 participants have to tell the truth. Of course, the questions are easier when the stakes are low - but as the prize amount increases, they will be challenged to fess up to matters they might normally lie about. The touchier questions could be especially revealing because participants reveal their answers in front of spouses, relatives and friends, hanging on every word. Female or Male - All Ethnicities - 18 & Over CONTESTANTS.

Please note that the participants KNOW THE QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS *before* spilling their guts on TV.

Gross.

Gross-me-out headline of the day: "Bed Discovered in Polygamist Temple."

There's a sick joke in this about the Joy of Sects, but I sure ain't gonna go there. No, sir.

And *why* has it taken the authorities so long to act? I read about the FLDS sect and their doings in Glamour magazine a year ago. It was a first-person article by a woman who'd been raised in the compound. That wasn't enough for a search warrant? Or do we just leave well enough alone when 15-year olds are forced into marriage with men 40 years older than them, until said 15-year olds complain about it? Hmmm?

Monstro and I are somewhat emotionally hungover from yesterday, and Alexander's little friend was over for three hours this morning while her dad did a fencing presentation at a Springfield high school. Helped a lot, though, that I got an envelope from Boston Playwright's Theatre today.

At first glance it's the standard "thanks-but-no-thanks" form letter, but I was heartened to see that they'd scratched out "Playwright" and hand-written my name in the salutation. And, at the end of the letter, the Artistic Director hand-wrote the following: "The judges thought Bible Study was too long, but I enjoyed reading Lindsay Lohan's Birkin. Thanks. -K"

So yeah, as I said, that helps. Always nice to get a rejection letter with actual handwriting on it. Poor L.L. Birkin, the little play that almost could!

...but there's a 99% chance everything is fine, so all's well, I guess.

Yesterday, Sen. John McCain said "her overall record is very, very meritorious." Of whom was he speaking? Condoleezza Rice.

Is he high? Or just crazy? Or maybe he doesn't watch "The Daily Show." Yeah, I bet that's it.

Ready to get really scared? People are saying she's pushing to be the GOP's candidate for VP.

I'm thinking this would be the nail in the GOP's coffin, so maybe it's not a bad thing.

   more »

Well, the Boston Theater Marathon has announced its one-act lineup and I'm not there. Nor are any of my Playwrights' Lab buddies. Bummer.

Well, the BSG was available AT NOON. Noon only. So we're hosed. Sorry.

Even if you don't have a TV, you can indulge in BSG goodness RIGHT NOW by going to SciFi.com and viewing the entire season four premiere RIGHT NOW. It's not airing on TV until 10 tonight, and Monstro and I are busy on Fridays at 10 (see previous post re: Owlbear), so I'm going to watch it RIGHT NOW.

And you should too. RIGHT NOW. Whoo!

Well, it's the first real NBC comedy back after the writers' strike. You know, they might want to have considered making this episode funny. Just a thought.

I love April Fool's day. Have pulled off some fabulous pranks in my past. My favorite was substituting soy sauce for half of the contents of a bottle of Diet Pepsi and oh-so-carefully returning the bottlecap to the bottle. Nearly made my beloved fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Pope, throw up.

But yesterday? Nothing. Nada.

I think that Massachusetts has successfully amputated my funny bone.

Other than that, nothing's going on. Nothing to see here. That is all.

Dear God, please let winter be over while I can still button my coat. Amen.

Tonight a certain Grengulia killed herself an owlbear in three rounds, all by her little bitty half-orc barbarian self. Then she cut off its head as a trophy. It was really neat.

When I woke up it wasn't snowing, but within 30 minutes God was hocking big snow loogies at us, which dimmed any enthusiasm I had for the day. Hung out with Lex watching Wiggles stuff and re-reading Amy Hempel for the zillionth time, then put the boy to bed and hit the transcription trail. Happily, it was a recording-that-wasn't. I don't think they knew the recorder was on: four minutes was of them trying to get the computer up on the Internet, followed by 20 minutes of typing. No talking. Just typing. I buzzed through it in half an hour and then went to the store. Monstro's cooking dinner tomorrow night so I bought stuff for that plus what we call "Boo Food" (yogurt, waffles, and bananas for Lex). And I was so very lazy that I bought a tube of Nestle's Toll House Cookie Dough because I was jonesin' for cookie dough.

At least I made some of it into cookies, too. Some of it.

The Comtesse and I have been drinking from the same well because I've been a cranky mama-bear all week, too. It's pretty childish to say "I miss my mommy" when you're 36 but I totally do. And then I feel guilty because my kid and my husband should be my top priority. But then I feel guilty because I'm not in California helping my mom. So that all pretty much sucks.

I've been doing some transcription work (which would not be possible without the shareware program Express Scribe, to which I totally owe the eleven bucks an hour I'm earning doing transcription work) and even with Express Scribe, it's taken me three times longer than I thought it would. My client isn't upset -- I think he's just happy he found someone to do it -- but I really wasn't planning on this taking three weeks.

After finishing another 110 minute recording today I shoved off and cleaned the bathroom, with the iTunes rockin' at a hundred percent power on the old PowerBook G4. The playlist on Party Shuffle has done quite a bit to lighten my mood:

Walking on the Sun -- Smashmouth
#1 crush -- Garbage
Obsession -- Animotion
F*ck the Spice Girls and Hanson -- Limp Bizkit
Mental Boy -- American Beauty soundtrack
At Last -- Etta James
Have I the Right -- Gene Pitney
Do you Believe in Magic -- Lovin Spoonful
Breathe -- Smartbomb <--- BEST COVER TUNE EVER
Who will Save Your Soul -- Jewel
THe Background -Third Eye Blind
I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone -- Leater-Kinney
Save the Last Dance -- Davis

And now the boy and the husband are home. Dinnertime!