Evel Knievel died. This makes me miss Big Al Danger all over again. Rest in peace, fellows, and enjoy that big air one must get up in Heaven.

Yesterday Beck of Beck's Blog had an awesome day. I had the alternative-dimension day to that. Posted an awesomely insightful, ascerbic blog post last night at midnight but deleted it this morning and no longer remember what it said. There has been a LOT of remembering the past two days. Being deposed does that to a girl, apparently. Thank God it's done. I threw my arms in the air after leaving the building today and a group of scruffy ruffian types chanted "Free at Last!" to my joy and delight. A-men, brothers!!!

Maybe if I think good thoughts about something, sleep will come. OK, well, The First Annual Desert Bus for Hope has come to a close and surpassed its goal of $5k by $17,000. They raised $22,805 for Child's Play. That's a lot of toys for children's hospitals! And that's a heck of a lot of verisimulator driving between Tucson and Las Vegas. The thought of it is nearly enough to get me to drop off to sleep. Almost.

OK, so this comedy troupe is raising money for Child's Play, an organization that donates games and gaming equipment to children's hospitals nationwide, by a marathon they're calling "The First Annual Desert Bus for Hope." Desert Bus is a game "so tedious it never received an official release." The goal of the game is to drive a bus from Arizona to Las Vegas in real time at 45 miles per hour. It takes 8 hours to get to Vegas, during which the scenery never changes, and upon arrival in Vegas you are awarded one point and given three seconds to determine whether you want to drive back to Arizona.

Oh, and the bus veers slightly to the right, so you can't just tape down a button and go about your day. And if you run off the road, you're towed back to Tucson IN REAL TIME.

So far, these guys have raised more than a thousand bucks, which right now parlays into 67 hours of mind-numbing tedium. Which they should be used to, seeing as they live in Canada. I kid, I kid!

In all seriousness, Child's Play is a great charity, and (God Forbid) if Monstro goes before his time, this is the organization we'll ask donations to be sent to. So let's not wait for that. Check this out and make a donation. Let's keep the Bus on the road!

... it's your birthday, go white girl, it's your birthday! Whoo! Time for some more pie!

Otherwise known as "Happy-Day-Before-Motormouth's-Birthday"! Wishing you and yours a yummy day sans food poisoning.

Last week's wrap-up: The first one out is always the one who can't sew. Buh-bye.

OK, here we go. The designers get to pick models. Ricky picks someone new, but he continues to wear dorky hats. A skinny blonde gets the shaft. The brunette in me giggles.

Challenge: "Design an outfit for a pop-culture and fashion icon." The guesses range from Snow White to Britney ("she needs help!")

The "icon" walks through the door. It's Sarah Jessica Parker. The gays effing lose it. "Oh My God" is probably still reverberating around the workroom.

They're to design a two-piece look for SJP's Bitten fall/winter line. The watchword is affordability -- the look will retail for $40, and their budget at Mood will be $15. She'll choose 7 looks and then the designers will work in teams of two.

Chris, bless his heart, is so tongue-tied he can't speak.

SJP chooses Elisa (stoner chick), Kit, Victoria, Marion, Ricky, Christian, and Rami. And then they all look surprised to learn that the winner's garment will be produced. What, have they never watched the show???

Commercial Break. Jeffrey's blogging for bravotv.com.

The teams are:
Marion & Steven; Ricky & Jack; Victoria & Kevin (she said "please"! Love it!); Kit & Chris; Rami & Jillian; Christian & Carmen ("Carmen like the opera; Webber like the baller"); and Elisa & Sweet P

They have until midnight. Off to Mood, where it's pretty much a gripefest. Then they get back to the workroom and Elisa starts by marking the fabric with spit. Sweet P crosses herself.

Ricky is a big ole crybaby. He's teared up through both interviews so far. Maybe his hat's too tight. Christian disses Tim's opinion for the second consecutive week. Victoria's look is deemed "cute and sophisticated." Elisa's plan to hand-sew is deemed "coo-coo." She agrees to go along with what Tim says.

Oh, and nobody starts sewing until 11:30. Did they learn nothing from last week?

Commercial Break.

We're back. Rumor is, Elisa can't use a sewing machine. Hmmm... Christian and Carmen finish first.

Marion's outfit looks like a couch. But, so did Chloe's line in season 2, and she won. Maybe the sofa look is in?

Sweet P is stoked and her outfit w/ Elisa looks cool. Victorya seems to have doubts about her outfit. Christian has no doubts about anything. Oh, to be 20 again... Oh, and Marion is still pinning the hem when it's time to hit the runway.

Commercial Break: Whose fashion sense do you trust the most, Michael Kors, Nina's, SJP's, or Tim? I think Tim's gonna win this one, too...

OK, on the Runway... Heidi's top looks like Lois's bedroom in the "Malcolm in the Middle" episode where Malcolm and Lois get mono and Bedazzle the place.

Chris's model looks like a French suburban streetwalker. Elisa's is cool, though I'm not in love with the teal. Rami's looks like a grocery sack. Marion's is like Pocahontas entangled with a nettle bush, oh, and the cups of her bra show. Gross. Victorya's looks *very* expensive. Christian's dress is too tight. And Ricky's is adorable.

OK, the four teams remaining on the runway are Elisa and SP, Victorya, Marion, and Christian. Marion looks paler than... WiteOut? SJP says Victorya "really listened"; Michael Kors drops the Pocahontas bomb on Marion.

SJP says Elisa's dress is "sexy yet appropriate." Then Sweet P and Elisa start talking. BIG mistake. But the judges love the garment.

Nina says Christian's garment is "full 80s" and SJP says it's too snug. Duh. Christian bites the bullet and says that he should go home if it's between him and Carmen. Carmen cries. Marion bites the bullet too, but with a less outlandish hairdo. I bet he's out.

They leave the runway and the judges dish. They love Elisa's jaunty, swingy cape, and Victorya's simplicity. They say that Marion's garment is "sad" and "melting," and Michael Kors says Christian's is too "Facts of Life." Yeah, 'cause it's so tight you could see the model's uterus.

Commercial... Oooh, Isaac Mizrahi will be on Tim's show tomorrow. And Tim wins the poll with 53%. Duh.

Victorya wins! SJP says the word "lovely" a lot. Wait, isn't that the name of her perfume?

Carmen looks pained that Steven is in, but then she's in, too. Christian's in, Marion's out, but pulls off a double-cheek kiss with aplomb.

NEXT WEEK: "the most difficult challenge"... "a day and a half"... Pants. Reinventing the tuxedo? Tune in to find out, or just read my liveblog. See you there!

I finished the final three chapters today and sent them to my publisher. I'll look over the galleys once she's got them ready to go. But as far as the writing and researching, MY BOOK IS DONE! I am so happy I could cry.

My book quiz result of "I, Robot" was really nagging at me, and the fact that I felt nagged made it pretty clear that I'm no effing robot, so I took the quiz again, perhaps with some truer answers this time, and I'm happy to let you know that...

You're The Dictionary!

by Merriam-Webster

You're one of those know-it-all types, with an amazing amount of
knowledge at your command. People really enjoy spending time with you in very short
spurts, but hanging out with you for a long time tends to bore them. When folks
really need an authority to refer to, however, you're the one they seek. You're an
exceptional speller and very well organized.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Ever since reading the Jimmy Kimmel profile in this month's Playboy, "good times" keeps creeping into my writing. Weird. And I wonder if Kimmel got it from Adam Corolla, or whether Corolla got it from Jimmy. Anyone care to field a guess?

OK, the superintendents just left after providing an hour of "couldn't we do it this way?" Most of which I squashed with 1) a bit of flexibility 2) saying that come December, I'll direct the thing and 3) saying "no." They like how we're going to change the puppet theater into a ship, and then turn the ship into a sand dune. Good times. All I want to do now is drop dead of exhaustion -- between cooking, birthday-partying, cleaning up from said party, putting dinner together, and justifying my words, I'm effing done. Done, I tell you! And in two minutes, the Boy is going to awaken from his nap. Zowie.

I think it's funny that i just got a spammer trackback request on my "Gun Control or Psychiatric Drug Control" entry from Adderall. "Maxium dose of adderall xr for an adult. Adderall side effects." I'm thinking, maybe that person should take a little less Adderall and a little more spelling.

Boy-o turns two early next week so his birthday festivities began three days ago. I made from-scratch blackberry muffins for his nursery school class and they even put candles in his. I can't wait to see the pictures! Then this morning at 10:30 we had a birthday brunch with eight adults and four toddlers. It was the perfect ratio of grown-ups to kids. After brunch there were presents and panda-bear face cake (black icing is gross and boy-o was covered in it). By 12:45, all the guests had been gone for an hour, Monstro was off to teach his Saturday class, and the guest of honor was asleep. Good times!

Once I get the rest of the house picked up and the rest of the thank-you notes written, the Sunday School superintendents are coming over to give me notes on the Christmas pageant I wrote. I'm dreading their comments more than I've EVER dreaded a playwrights' lab. Cross thy fingers...

I guess you'd better take me to your leader, then!

You're I, Robot!

by Isaac Asimov

While you have established a code of conduct for many generations to follow, your demeanor is rather cold and calculating. Brought up to serve humans, you have promised never to harm them, to follow orders, and to protect yourself. Living up to this code has proved challenging and sometimes even drives you mad. If you were a type of paper, you would be pulp.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I have a book deadline of the 23rd, which is my birthday, so I asked for an extension to Monday. :)

We have our André, our Jay, and our Daniel Franco. The first challenge was to choose from $50k of Mood Fabrics after a foot race across Bryant Park. Tim looks impeccable and now works for Liz Claiborne. Heidi is... Heidi. You don't hear much about hot, sweet, German women with multiple kids. She's in a class nearly by herself, behind Andrea Schnichels, who was my host mom during my 1988 AFS trip to Europe.

COMMERCIAL: Beyoncé wearing L'oreal Paris lipcolor in Slut.

Back to show: I. Adore. Tim. Gunn. I'm a Gunn Nut.

Simone's a cross between Laura and that attorney from SF who was out first on Season Three.

Rami will wear many, many tank tops. Welcome to the Gunn show.

The stoner chick's our Santino.

20 minutes in: I think Sweet P's out.

22 minutes in: We might be seeing less of the Boomtown Rat soon, too.

Tim challenges Moon Unit, who blows it off and takes a NAP.

COMMERCIAL: Santino! Lookin' at art, lookin' hot. And blogging on BravoTV.com !

Still In (neither highest nor lowest): Chris, Kevin, Sweet P, Jillian, Jack, Marion, Steve, Carmen, Kit.

Looking at final six: Moon Unit's model stumbled on the "poo-ing fabric" train (thanks for that, Heidi), but I'd throw out the baby-doll guy just for that inmate-striped cabbie's hat he's wearing. And I don't care what Michael Kors says, but the gray drapey dress made the model's tits look saggy, and that's *never* chic. My call: Boomtown rat to win, bad-hat man to lose.

COMMERCIAL: Tim wins the poll with 54%.

Saggy-tits-dress Rami wins the challenge. Eh.

Ricky (Hat Guy/Daniel Franco) is in.

Simone is out, because her dress looked like she hand-sewed it while drunk. Just goes to show that you can't be a Laura, and you'll be out first every time, if you don't know how to sew.

COMING UP THIS SEASON: Big surprises. And Jack drops some sort of metaphoric bomb on the workroom. See you there!

Thanks for the prayers!

In other news, I just got my two entries for the West Coast 10-Minute Play Contest back, because that contest doesn't exist anymore, but I parlayed them into my entries for the Boston Playwrights' Theatre upcoming Boston Theater Marathon. Just back from the post office, where I sent those, plus many Rhythmball DVDs to interested parties. Whoot!

Does it count if you cross things off your list that weren't already on your list? I just finished writing that Christmas pageant, and called my repeat client who, thankfully, won't really be ready to go forward with anything until December.

I'm awaiting knowledge of my hard-and-fast deadline for the book, too. Figure I'll do some make-up-time research during "Reaper" tonight. I wish they'd go more Screwtape on that show. We need more exposition about the Devil from Ray Wise's own mouth.

OK, back to the book again now!

Nov. 14: deposition preparation
Nov. 15: New England Playwrights deadline
Nov. 16: Friday Night Social Club with Dr. and Mrs. Slash and the Ladies.
Nov. 17: Boy-o's 2nd birthday party
Nov. 18: Church/Church Supper/Bible Study (Monstro and I are co-facilitators)
Nov. 19: Boy-o's 2nd birthday/well-baby checkup
Nov. 22: Thanksgiving
Nov. 23: My birthday

...and then, the following week, Monstro and I will be deposed for my gender-discrimination lawsuit. Can't wait!

UPDATE: Thanksgiving alone with Monstro and the kid has turned into a Thanksgiving Open House to celebrate my birthday. Y'all come!

Punk rock embraces the inevitability that sometimes, when it really matters, the Evil Ones win.

Here's my point: First read this: these Dead Kennedys lyrics for "Moon Over Marin"; then this: Spill closes Bay beaches as oil spreads, kills wildlife.

My buddy's Department of Interior and has likely not left Fort Mason since last night -- he had to fly home early from a conference in Las Vegas (Vegas, baby!). The conference was for people who are front-line responders for (maritime) oil and gas spills. So at least they were all there to confab face-to-face. I guess everyone's phone started ringing at the same time during Wednesday morning's speaker session.

I'd like to think that if I were still living single in the Bay area, I'd be busy cleaning up the birds at Baker Beach.

Of course, this spill was timed to the migratory season of birds in that zone, so this could not have come at a worse time. Not like there's ever a good time to dump 58,000 gallons of "heavy-duty bunker fuel oil" in the San Francisco Bay.

O' Shimmering moonlight sheen upon / The waves and water clogged with oil / White gases steam up from the soil

Now everybody...

"In writing Night, Wiesel was able to psychologically relieve himself."

I suggested unencumber, instead.

I have written a pageant. A Christmas pageant; God help us. Especially because it's going to earn me at least a million dollars. Yes. I'll tithe.

It's called Christmas P.M., like "P.M" instead of "Eve", but something else, too. OK, here's a hint: it's a shout-out to Monstro, DH extraordinaire, who's writing his PhD comps essays all this week except when he's teaching/grading his four classes. He's superhuman.

He shrugs it off. "Can't hurt steel." But I'm really proud of him and all he's accomplished, and continues to accomplish.

Boy-o and I were out of the house from 8:30a.m. until ten last night, except for naptime. I had an evening unstaged reading -- the second Pioneer Valley reading -- of Toby's play Standards of Care. It's mostly about people who are transgendered and the people who love them. Believe me when I say I play the female lead, though there's an ingenue, too. Toby is hoping to get it staged around here and although pretty much only I have read the part of Nancy, I couldn't do it on stage because there's a *really* sexy, fly-touching scene in it. And the only man I've kissed since I met Monstro (five years now) is Monstro; I don't want to, uh, blow the curve.

Without Eve there's no Christmas Eve, either. So she wasn't *that* bad. She was just the first human, that's all.

Well, seeing as I've already sent plays to two contests within the past 12 hours, I figured why not make it a third? and sent Bible Study and Lindsay Lohan's Birkin to the WEST Coast Ten-Minute Play Contest, which is run through CalActors in Irvine. But then, after I put it in my mailbox, I spent a few more minutes on the Web site and found out 1) they didn't do the contest last year and 2) it doesn't look good for this year, either. So much for being Janey-on-the-spot!

I just sent Bible Study to the National 10-Minute Play Contest in Louisville, and also sent it and Lindsay Lohan's Birkin to Live Girls! Theater in Seattle, WA for their 2008 Quickies festival of one-acts. Whoot!