Dear God, please let winter be over while I can still button my coat. Amen.

Tonight a certain Grengulia killed herself an owlbear in three rounds, all by her little bitty half-orc barbarian self. Then she cut off its head as a trophy. It was really neat.

When I woke up it wasn't snowing, but within 30 minutes God was hocking big snow loogies at us, which dimmed any enthusiasm I had for the day. Hung out with Lex watching Wiggles stuff and re-reading Amy Hempel for the zillionth time, then put the boy to bed and hit the transcription trail. Happily, it was a recording-that-wasn't. I don't think they knew the recorder was on: four minutes was of them trying to get the computer up on the Internet, followed by 20 minutes of typing. No talking. Just typing. I buzzed through it in half an hour and then went to the store. Monstro's cooking dinner tomorrow night so I bought stuff for that plus what we call "Boo Food" (yogurt, waffles, and bananas for Lex). And I was so very lazy that I bought a tube of Nestle's Toll House Cookie Dough because I was jonesin' for cookie dough.

At least I made some of it into cookies, too. Some of it.

The Comtesse and I have been drinking from the same well because I've been a cranky mama-bear all week, too. It's pretty childish to say "I miss my mommy" when you're 36 but I totally do. And then I feel guilty because my kid and my husband should be my top priority. But then I feel guilty because I'm not in California helping my mom. So that all pretty much sucks.

I've been doing some transcription work (which would not be possible without the shareware program Express Scribe, to which I totally owe the eleven bucks an hour I'm earning doing transcription work) and even with Express Scribe, it's taken me three times longer than I thought it would. My client isn't upset -- I think he's just happy he found someone to do it -- but I really wasn't planning on this taking three weeks.

After finishing another 110 minute recording today I shoved off and cleaned the bathroom, with the iTunes rockin' at a hundred percent power on the old PowerBook G4. The playlist on Party Shuffle has done quite a bit to lighten my mood:

Walking on the Sun -- Smashmouth
#1 crush -- Garbage
Obsession -- Animotion
F*ck the Spice Girls and Hanson -- Limp Bizkit
Mental Boy -- American Beauty soundtrack
At Last -- Etta James
Have I the Right -- Gene Pitney
Do you Believe in Magic -- Lovin Spoonful
Breathe -- Smartbomb <--- BEST COVER TUNE EVER
Who will Save Your Soul -- Jewel
THe Background -Third Eye Blind
I Wanna Be Your Joey Ramone -- Leater-Kinney
Save the Last Dance -- Davis

And now the boy and the husband are home. Dinnertime!

...another dollar. Off to teach a little later today. While finishing the dishes this morning I got an idea for, of all things, a short story. But it's a pretty effed-up idea, so we'll see if I do anything with it. I don't know that I've ever written a real short story in my life.

Been reading quite a bit this Spring Break: Joan Didion's _Year of Magical Thinking_, a two-book Doonesbury compilation (including one book called _Revenge of the English Majors_), and I'm mostly through Sarah Vowell's _Assassination Vacation_. Man, she knows a lot, but I don't think she goes on a lot of dates. Of course, she's also voiced a Pixar character, so that's one up on me.

Finally managed to finish unpacking from our vacation. That only took five days, which is truly a record for me.

Easter dinner last night was amazing. Say what you will about Monstro, but dayum, my man can cook! He made cornish game hens with a praline-mustard glaze, stuffed with a pannetone-dried apricot-onion stuffing that was innnnncredible. Thanks, Jesus!

Lex continues to exhibit his inner two-year-old. Guess I'll let him, seeing as he's two and all.

Time to shower and start my day. Happy week, everyone.

Happy Easter, people. I spent yesterday doing taxes, then dreamt last night that I was late on one student loan payment so they bumped my total from seven thousand dollars to seven HUNDRED thousand dollars, so that wasn't a great dream. It was a joy to wake up to Easter, and the promise of raiding Lex's basket while he naps in the nursery. Parenthood does have its privileges, indeed it does.

I've been wracking (racking? I'm pretty sure it's wracking) my brain to figure out where I've seen LOST actor Ken Leung before. Finally resorted to IMDB, where I read that he's the karaoke-machine salesman in "Keeping the Faith," one of my favorite movies from way back. His is the funniest scene in the whole movie. Maybe that's why I want to laugh whenever I see him on Lost Island.

In other news, it's Good Friday, a day with personal significance to me beyond the sacrifice of Christ. Miss you, Alex. Miss you, Gordy. I was supposed to visit my matron of honor today -- she's in New York visiting her sister -- but 50+ mph winds kept me from making the two hour drive. So now, it's just another sucky Good Friday. Oh well. Guess I'll go do some laundry or something.

Team Johnson has made a successful re-entry home and the cats are fine, even if mine isn't speaking to me. More soon!

So the fam and I have been in beautiful downtown Vienna, VA for the past few days, enjoying some R&R with dear friends. Coming back tomorrow, but our cat-sitters left for their own vacation today, so if you hear that we got into a car accident or something, could one of you come over and feed the cats? Thanks.

Oh, and Anne, call me if you haven't already -- we might need to get together on Wednesday instead of Thursday.

Think good travelin' thoughts for us, wouldja? Gracias.

I had a feeling this might happen... one of the student assistants at the college where I teach took down the c-word self portrait I'd posted to the Student Union bulletin board! Now one of the administrators is putting the photo back up. My boss is surprised and never thought this censorship would happen. So much for college students being all crazy liberal, huh?

OMG have you tried these? I've been a big fan of the regular Starburst jellybeans since my best friend turned me on to them, but the sour ones are out-of-this-world tremendous. I don't even want to compute the number of grams of sugar I've ingested in the past couple of weeks due to the fact that these are on the shelves with the Easter candy at my local supermarket.

In other shopping news, Monstro and Lex and I went to Staples yesterday to get an ethernet card for our pastor. A catchy tune by the Bee-Gees was piping in over the Musak and Monstro and I began boogieing down in the mp3 aisle.

"You know, honey," I said, mid-boogie, "the fact that we're dancing in the aisles of Staples to the Bee-Gees tells me that we need to be getting out more often.

We'll have a prime opportunity for getting out this week -- not only will we be celebrating our fourth wedding anniversary, but we're also going to head to DC for a few days to visit friends. Lex is engaged to these friends' toddler daughter, so it's important that they have ample time to bond. I for one am very much looking forward to getting out of Purgatory, Massachusetts, even if it's for only a few days. Whoot! Road trip!!!

So my friend Emily forgot she had a concert of her own tonight and gave me her ticket to her conflicting concert, which was at the Iron Horse Music Hall and featured folk-gospel-alt band Eddie from Ohio. Their lead singer has one of those voices you hear on CD and think, "no way she sounds that good live," and then you go see her perform and she sounds even better than on the recording. Pretty amazing. Their songs are funny and folksy and powerful, or two out of the three at a time. They've been playing together for 17 years now and they do it right. Highly recommended.

Oh, and the bonus of the night was realizing that the hostess who seated us played one of the two characters in my staged reading of Lindsay Lohan's Birkin two years ago. Dang, has it really been two years?

...until LOST! Oh, and 14 more days until the First Day of Spring.

Ta Da! I can't believe I'm still watching this show. Anyway, here goes:

3 days till fashion show:
Jillian asks if her hair's OK, then puts on a hat that covers her hair down to her shoulders. Tim doesn't dig the poodle-sailor sweater she designed. Good man, Tim. He digs Rami, but thinks Christian's overdesigned his stuff. Then, they do the model casting and everyone casts skinny bee-yotches. Surprise!

2 days till fashion show:
They all meet with Collier Strong from Loreal, who looks like Rami's rode-hard uncle. Jillian wants to swap out a model; Christian tells his "don't eat."

Commercial break

1 day till fashion show:
The model wrangler tells Jillian she's out of luck and can't get a new model on such short notice. Yeah, like any model in New York wouldn't drop EVERYTHING to be in the Project Runway fashion show. As if. Then they do hair consults with Nathaniel, and Jillian's girls get the best hairstyle. Jillian chooses to embrace the diversity of her models.

The final three don't get any help from the auf'd contestants, and there's no "13th look" challenge, either. The order of the show will be Jillian, Rami, and Christian. Tim is blown away by them. They're "an inspiration to me." Group hug.

Day of fashion show:
Up at 4:15 a.m. and off to Bryant Park. Another hug. The tent fits 2,000 people. It's mondo. They have teams of dressers helping the models prepare. Christian's girls are late. Super late. 30 minutes until the show and all the PR alums are showing up. FINALLY, Christian's last model arrives. Heidi Klum hits the runway in faded capri jeans and a top that looks like it could have been designed for the Hershey challenge. Jillian curtseys on the runway. Her designs are amazing but her hats are ridiculous. And I don't care what she says: All her models look exactly the same.

Commercial break

Rami is cute on the runway, but his first looks are soooo 80s. OK, as it turns out, most of them are. Lots of hot pink and teal. His first gold gown bags at one knee, making the model look like she has a big cyst.

Christian surveys the crowd. "Everybody looks fierce!" His designs are amazing and I hope his hats trickle down to TJ Maxx because I want to buy them all. I don't see the feathered pants that Tim dinged last week.

Backstage, after the show, Kevin looks stoned.

Commercial break

Posh digs Jillian. Kors: "feminine and modern." Heidi: "New shapes and designs." Nina: "You took a chance... looked disjointed... The knits were spectacular."

Posh loved Christian. Kors: "chic drama." Nina: "Worried about the heavy hand."

Heidi loved Rami (uh oh), and his weaving techniques. Kors: "woven pieces were fantastic," though dings him for the color choices (duh). Nina: "You have a strong point-of-view," but "your strength is in the evening." (Ahem)

Geez, did Heidi's toddler cut her hair or what???

Commercial break: Christian wins the text-in vote.

Heidi kisses up to all three before the auffing begins. Jillian's out (nooooo!). At least she has a cutey-cute boyfriend to comfort her. Christian looks like he's going to throw up in his mouth. He's then named the winner and bursts into tears. Heidi says, "You're uber-fierce." Posh "would be honored to wear" any of his designs.

Tim Gunn comes to the runway (a first!) and says, "I'm so proud of you. Do you believe it?"

"Yeah," Christian says.

Congratulations Christian. If this had happened at the beginning of the season, you wouldn't legally be able to drink a celebratory glass of champagne!

Good thing I'm so sated creatively right now, because I just heard that Live Girls Theater in Seattle will NOT be producing any Motormouth scripts this year. Bummer, dude.

while on the phone with Mom:

Mom: I've called the guys who are supposed to install my new toilet twice and they haven't called back yet.

Me: It's OK... they're probably just backed up.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk.

Oh, I did a photo-editing exercise with the photo students last night: I put four of the pictures of me and my son up on the computer display and showed how I figured out which one I liked the best. When I opened the final shot (the one that I posted here on the blog), the class gasped in a "dang, you really *are* better than us at this stuff" manner. It's probably best they find this out early in the semester, you know, to keep them in their place. And once they saw proof of my photo prowess, they listened more closely to what I had to say!

I handed back the self-portrait assignments my photo students gave me last week, and, with permission, posted the top four on the bulletin board in the student union. One is of a student in her T.G.I.Friday's work regalia, complete with "Can I take your order?" cheat sheet and a sly look in her eyes; another is of a woman in full Patriots regalia, head down, in mourning; another is of a woman under an industrial-salon hair dryer, green foils in her hair, and a sickly green cast across the entire picture. But my favorite is of the woman who put on big sunglasses, lit herself with orange gels, and snarled her face so you can see the c-word tattooed on the inside of her lower lip. Honest: c-u-n-t (not hyphenated!) is TATTOOED inside her lower lip. Talk about hardcore!

"It only took 30 seconds and didn't hurt a bit," she told me. "It was the easiest tattoo I ever got."

I printed an extra copy of the photo for my collection. I'm going to ask her to sign it once class is over. It's awesome.

Well, Monstro isn't feeling well so we didn't go to church today, and I've graded the photo quizzes and the writing homework but not the writing interviews (though I've read them all and they pretty much make me want to swill a large and potent cocktail) or the self-portrait assignments (see sidebar). Oh, and I'm leading Bible study tonight so I have to read parts of many of Paul's letters.

The bummer is, all I really want to do is cruise around my friends' blogs and maybe take a nap.

During February 2008, I wrote in this blog every day. Every stinkin' day, people! So no matter how sporadic my posts may be later on in the year, you can look back fondly on the good old days of February, 2008. I think this particularly notable because there are two things I'm not blogging about, and they're pretty big things. So yaaaaay, me! P.S. Oh, and it snowed again last night. Calgon, take me away!